Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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