i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
