At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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