Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
