i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
