Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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