A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
