i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
