Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
3 2 1 whiskey
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Drunk is not a location!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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