I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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