ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
