What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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