I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
