Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
