dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
