you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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