Your mouth is God's brothel.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
