I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
