walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
