Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My ATM looks so different sober.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize