just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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