Absence makes the cock grow harder.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
