I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
