I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
