The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
