hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
