people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
