I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
