I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize