I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
