Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
