i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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