That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
