Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
