dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
love makes seman taste better
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
