Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dick very happy bro
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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