Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
