You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize