when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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