So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize