Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
