The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
