he shaved USA in his pubs
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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