you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
