Me too!
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
