If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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