Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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