I wish I only lived at night.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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