We're facebook friends in real life
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
