I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
