Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
