At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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