Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
