How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
