I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Rumble strips road head = magical
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
