he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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