oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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