What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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