Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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