Don't you send me to vm
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
