just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Alive.
So much puke
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
