Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
