Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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