ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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