you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
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