Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
