she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
