the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
