i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
