I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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