Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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