i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
