i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
