You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
