lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize
