Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
