You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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