So drunk, too bad you don't want this
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
