Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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