my phone needs a breathalizer
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
