Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize