I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
