Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i drank out of a bidet.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
