OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
