Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
