My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
