I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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