I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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