I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Your cock deserves a montage
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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