Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
