so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
