Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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