Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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