He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
