I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize