Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
