This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
