Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
