My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
