Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize