ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
do herpes really smell.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
