maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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