I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
