highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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