why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
