you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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