he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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