Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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