he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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