i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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