OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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